My Mama!

Today at MOPS the leader had brought her mother as a guest. In the introduction she gave her mom credit for a lot of things she is proud of. She said she taught her how to cook, dust, sew and such. As a mother now herself she was giving her mother loving credit for the mothering she received. Another gal turned to me and said, "I really need to learn to some things so I can teach my kids. My mom knows how to do a lot of things but didn't teach us girls any of them". I find it fascinating how we tend to do that! We want certain things for our kids or have great things to share and then we just don't. In both good ways and bad ways we often forget to pay it forward. It is a continuous weight on me to "share" my gifts with my kids. This goal has claimed a permanent place under "family" every time I sit and write goals out. Never do I quite feel like I am taking enough time or making making enough effort to transfer these skills and knowledge. Yet, I have to give myself some credit because I do a lot of fun things with my kids and we do a lot of fun special things for them. However, I know I have so so much more to give them. The great thing is, this is info from me they actually want. When she was finished I started to roll a list through me head of the things I know how to do because my mama took the time to teach me. My eyes welled up and I had a lump in my throat. At the time a silly fun song was being belted out about the hilarities of motherhood. My friend next to me must have noticed my sudden sink and asked why I was crying at the song. I laughed and told her I had just made a mental list of the things I know how to do. I know how to do these things not because I had a mother but because of my particular mama! A few weeks ago our table leader made a comment about how every mother is given children that need what she has to offer. I had never thought of it that way. I have these 4 super different children. It's hard to fathom that I contain (or contain the ability to contain) all that they need from me. On my drive home I ran the list through my head of the blessings my mom has shared. Not just with me but many with my kids too. I can draw and paint because my mom showed me how. Making a pair of pants, a set of drapes, new bedding or a teddy bear is possible because she taught me how. Knit, crochet, needlepoint and those funny rugs with little pieces of yarn and hook things have all been completed with success because of her lesson, encouragement and supplies. When Halloween rolled around not only did I have a costume, I had a hand painted costume that won the contest because she painted and painted for hours to make it just right. When I ran for various offices I didn't just have xeroxed posters filling the halls. Oh no! My mom brought me a pig to walk the halls on a leash in a t-shirt that read, "Vote for Hope". At some point I had a pet goat. I have no idea why but she made us matching clown suits and we paraded around the ice rink (I am going to have to ask her about this one. Ha!). When my friends spent the night she used our best glasses to serve us fancy desserts and in the morning made pancakes in the shape of Pac-Man. I have no idea how many hours she spent painting little scenes on my nails with her very best brushes and her very best paints. Most of the time I am not afraid to step forward and give things a shot...because she taught me to try. Setting the expectation that I can pull something off happens because she told me...I could do it. Now that I am a mother of teenagers I often think of the times my mom arrived after a dance in her nightgown and winter coat to pick me up without a cross word regarding the fact that I was the LAST one out of the building. As I set up carpools in attempts to get everyone where they need to be I often think, "how in the world was she able to take me to all those things?" Not only me but she usually was driving my friends too yet I don't remember anyone other than her ever driving me. I was never called lazy, dumb, or useless. My mama told me I was smart, creative, fun and beautiful. The best part is that she loves to share the cool things with my kids too! Having two sets of kids has made it a bit tricky. Regardless when I made the mental list of what my kids have gotten to do and learn with her just makes me dance. My big girls have sewn pillows, frogs and bags. The have cooked and baked everything under the rainbow. There is no slice and bake cookie experience for this lady, oh no. She has taught my kids how to make pretzels, fudge, taffy, gingerbread houses, bagels, cinnamon rolls and dinner in a campfire. They have made ice cream in a coffee can and cake in ovens they made themselves! Building houses, sewing new clothes and anything else Barbie Doll related for hours and hours and hours. Every holiday a box arrives full of festive goodies! Themed shirts, socks, stickers, candy, nativity calendars... Every birthday always was topped with a special cake made by grandma taken to the extreme. There is not enough space and my fingers are not even capable of noting all the special magical things my kids have lived, nor have I. These things are mine, all mine. Because...she is my mama! I now seem to take some of those things to a whole new level. I don't want to make a pillow, I want to make shoes! I don't want to have a few people over, I want to throw a party for 500! My life is what it is because my childhood mattered. I mattered. I wasn't left home all alone or dumped off with people. My folks weren't party animals or workaholics. I wasn't beaten or mentally abused. I was loved. My kids would be enormously blessed if I pulled off even a fraction of what my mom and dad have done for me! Ahhh...my dad. He deserves a post all of his own!

Sweet November

The point of this blog is really more of a personal journal for me. Mostly I just write about what I am thinking and feeling at that time. I am almost afraid for people to read it because I know I am wired differently than most. I always have been. My life doesn't seem possible to some. But it is. I seem to attract radical things both good and bad. I have the weirdest messed up stuff happen followed by blessing people only dream of. Either way, it's real and it's my life. Even if it's only for the kids to read again someday it will have been worth every second!

I just looked back at what I have blogged about the last few times. I can say for certain that September sucked! October was fine and created some recovery time for the events of September. A lot of great things showed up in October as well. Matt has been feeling well after the heart incident. We are getting better at eating well when we are out or out of town. That was a real trick. Sometimes eating well is crazy expensive and hardly ever quick. Luckily we have found some great options. Matt was also nominated for firefighter of the year. I am really proud of that! He has been a firefighter and paramedic for several years and I have no photos of him in action. I want them but can't appropriately get them. If he is in action, someone is at risk. This last week I was able to catch a great shot of him in his full gear. He had brought a fire truck to Ryder's school. While he was putting hoses away I took one shot that I will forever cherish. There is a confidence and calmness to him. The events of September are greatly responsible for this look of profound peace.

Over the last year I had a goal of finishing a book I have been writing by April 1st (2010). I tend to get distracted doing things that are useless instead of working on it. I will play on Facebook, watch TV or just open up a whole new project that will get ignored. Setting that deadline at the time seemed logical but really I had 3 busy kids, was nursing a newborn and was running a full time business. By late March I was depressed and angry that I had failed myself in finishing it. April 1st was really a slap in the face because I had let myself get to that date without completing much more than when I had set the goal date. I make a lot of deals with myself and that day was no different. I knew I couldn't finish my book in a day so I bargained out an option. I decided something was going to happen at least in that direction THAT day. I figured it would have to be somewhat fast and simple. I plopped down and wrote two articles. One I was able to polish up, print and mail away. I stood at the mailbox and with every positive thought and faithful prayer I raised the red flag and threw it in the mailbox. Still disappointed for not having reached my real goal I was at least somewhat satisfied that I did at least something real by the end of my own proposed deadline. In the last few weeks that article was purchased by a major national magazine. I was paid the equivalent of $100 a minute for what it took me to write it. Most importantly, I know with complete understanding it was God's way of lining me up in the direction I am supposed to go. It was reassurance that these desires and wishes (often considered crazy ideas by many) are mine and my purpose. I have just the right tools for some specific jobs. I am more than willing to do them and use them but most often don't know where, how or when. I want to just float and let it happen but that is so much harder than it sounds. This one event has been such an eye opener to me that anything is better than nothing. A journey begins with a single step. I am always wildly leaping around. I just needed to stop and take a baby step in a new direction. I am so hopeful and excited to see what follows and what comes next!

Ms. Help

I work at Ryder's preschool two days a week. I love it. It reminds me of the parts I miss and loved deeply about being a teacher. It also gives me a chance to be there as HIS mom. I think kids get something special about having their moms around to show off. Funny how that is so true at age three yet it takes on a new form by age teenager. He introduced me as, "That's my mom. She is my special girl because I commed out her tummy". There is not a nicer or more genuine compliment I could receive than being claimed by someone. I find in my day that I laugh and love the things kids do hourly. Sometimes it's my own, sometimes is someone's monster in the grocery store. They are all fabulous. I find it hysterical that Ryder wants to rock out in the car, that the little girl in the grocery store is dancing down the aisle or that Izze and her friend would trade their left arms for Starbucks. I love that Charlotte says, "err ooo rrr" when I go to get her out of bed, that Abbi has reached a level of maturity and responsibility that she knows exactly where she needs to be and what needs to go there with her. I love that she wants to "love many, trust few and row her own canoe". I love that Charlotte likes to be a part of "it". It doesn't matter what "it" is. She needs to be right in the middle. She turns around and backs up with her little booty sticking out. She plops that thing down in the middle of everything. She does it most at the preschool. She goes with me most of the time and LOVES being there. Her favorite activity is to sample all the kids water bottles. That is a story of it's own. Several weeks ago she discovered Dylan. Dylan is the cutest little fella. He is just one of those kids you want to hug. He has fluffy curly blond hair and eludes a surfer dude attitude. Charlotte LOVES him! She is head over heels smitten. She is constantly searching for him to hug, love and sit on. He is so kind and gentle and just accomodates her love. He pays special attention to making sure she gets everything she wants while we are there. The whole thing fascinates me. If there is a tight crowd of kids she will wiggle through and find him. She doesn't even have to see his face. She just wiggles through and grabs onto his arm or leg. She just knows. As cute and funny as it is it's really taught me something. She trusts her heart. I find on a regular basis she is very choosy with people. She either loves you all the way or will tolerate you. It gives me a whole new perspective of the term, "it factor". There was a dad at a soccer game she was drawn too. She begged him to pick her up. She looked him right in the eye, gave him a giant hug and wiggled down. He was grinning ear to ear! He promptly turned to me and asked if it was alright. I knew in this day and age that came from both a place of panic and joy. He just had, "it". Anyway, back to the preschool. These kids are hysterical. Actually all kids are hysterical people just forget to see it sometimes. There is one kid that refuses to get his hands dirty. He won't touch slimy, wet, gooey... There is another that gives me updates each time I arrive. I very much look forward to these. The last one was, "my cousin is a doctor and has a bad case of i-a-reeah. Her flower has just been on fire". For weeks one told me, "My mama is a whoraasse". I would ask, "your mom is a horse?". She would say no. I would say, "your mom likes horses?" She would say no. I never asked the other. She said it 10 times every time I was there. I never have figured it out. Now she tells me her mom is going to bring her cookies. One little girl always wears her jacket upside down so the hood can keep her booty warm. They are so proud to share their stories, tell you about their dog or hear they did a good job. I don't want to live with them all but I just can't get over how much little people have to offer. Each and everyone of them is unique and different. However, the one thing they all have in common is that they call me, "Ms. Help". I have no idea how it started but it stuck. I hope with all my heart they never get it straight! I really love being Ms. Help.

Inspiration

A friend suggested to a me a website today. It changed me! I have to share it. His photos are emotional, gentle, romatic and just plain fantastic. I actually find myself holding my breath.

My favorite part was his story....

Lets face it. Love is an animal. Though my grandfather told me once that love is more like a bird, if you hold it tightly it dies, if you hold it slightly, it flies. People often ask me how I capture such intimacy in the couples I have the honor of photographing. The key is looking from a different perspective. I don’t see them as who they are that day, happy and carefree. I see them as they will be tomorrow. I see them in the road ahead, in both the good times and the bad and all that they will endure. Together. Some days there will be love made on the kitchen floor, and others there will be sleepless nights on the couch. I have known both.
I received a letter once from an old friend. She mentioned that she recently had her heart broke and could only wish to one day find someone that sees her the way that my couples see each other. How would she know when she has found the “one”? Trust me when I say that tender gaze, that almost kiss, does not come without work. There will be joy, there will be pain. I have known both. If you are reading this I want you to know that you are amazing. He is not. And this is my advice to you. Find a boy who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. You will know he is the one because he will apologize first even if he feels he was in the right, because being right won’t matter if you go to bed angry. When you tell a joke he will laugh out loud. He will constantly be reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have found you. He will turn to his friends and say, ‘that’s her.’
This is the bird that my grandfather spoke of. When you find this bird hold onto it but remember to give it room to grow. Room to breathe. Do this together. And when you find him, call me. I want to photograph it.
My name is Clayton Austin. I am just a man and I tend to see things better with my eyes closed.

Make your day a little brighter. Take a look...
http://claytonaustinlovestories.com

Today was just one of those days...

Today was just one of those days. Actually, the last two have been. My hubby is out of town so our schedule is off. I have been going to bed late and barely sleeping. I have a bad habit of taking on others pain and stress. It's not always a bad thing but when you are worried about characters you saw in a movie it's a little much. Over the weekend an old friend of mine was drugged and beaten on her way home from dress shopping and having a drink with a friend. She has been unable to remember anything and can barely walk. The police were not helpful and she is scared. The fear and uncertainty she is feeling is uncomprehendable to me. You just never know what kind of both good and bad surprises life has for you. The questions and what if's that have to be running through her head have been running through mine as well. Last night both my big girls came home with horror stories of what teachers had said to or about them. I can be quite a pushover and find it hard to stand up for myself. The difference is when it comes to my kids I come out swinging. I like to think I do so in a level headed and effectively appropriate aggressive way...hee hee. However, the anger, frustration and struggle is the still there. I want to take it ALL on for them. I want to right the wrongs and clear the path for them. If they hurt themselves I want to fix them. If they lose their way I will run to the ends of the earth to find them. It's more than I can bear sometimes when an adult and worse yet a teacher is who hurt them. I went to bed angry with my head spinning and woke up just about the same. I spent an hour in the high school admin office waiting for the Principal while entertaining Charlotte. By the time he got to me she had thrown in the towel. A receptionist witnessed my struggle with her and gave me a little bag of Cheez-It crackers. That helped for about 40 seconds. Nothing was really resolved in my quick meeting with the Principal so I left a trail of crumbs and left. Getting back into to car I was feeling very defeated. Before I was out of the parking lot I heard Charlotte dump that bag of crackers all over herself and down into her car seat. Any parent knows the treasures that can be found in the depths of a childs carseat can be horrifying. I got a few things accomplished I had been putting off and Charlotte took a nap. A friend recommended a website. It was so spectacular and amazing I am forever changed. It was so poetic and inspiring. Even though it was inspiring I ended up crying several times. I had to keep wiping my eyes so I could keep looking at pictures and reading. Feeling a ton better after spending literally hours on the website and related blog we went to pick up Ryder from school. I caught a glimps of myself in a reflection. The morning had been very rushed and I was lucky to get a shower. I had thrown my hair up into a stringy wet pony tail. I was starving and my face looked like I had been crying for a week. Ryder had a hard time leaving because he couldn't find his "monster paper". We searched for it, pretty much woke up all the kids napping and ended up leaving without it. I bumped Charlotte's head leaving the school before putting her in her carseat. As I backed out to close her door I spotted those Cheez-Its she had spilled earlier. I grabbed a few and tossed them in my mouth. As I got in the passenger seat Ryder said, "Hey! Wait! I want an orange snack! Where did you get it?" I reached back and grabbed a handful of Cheez-Its out of her seat from him. I lifted her leg and grabbed a few more for myself. I chuckled and looked at myself in the rear view mirror. Some days everything goes your way and other days it seems logical to eat orange snacks out of the toddlers carseat abyss. Today was just one of those days.

Keeping Daddy Alive! Woot woot!

Since the whole heart incident went down we have changed our ways! My cholesterol has always been low as has my blood pressure. They usually take my blood pressure twice because it's so low they think they messed up. Matt's was at the top of 'normal' but had an artery shut down, a 99% blockage and now has a big fat stent. He will be on medication for the rest of his life for both cholesterol and blood pressure. However, we brought 4 more beings into the world that got an equal share of both sets of our genes. Who will get the curse of the cholesterol or blood pressure...???? Even though his issue was hereditary we have transformed our families entire diet. Our offspring are going to need to be well educated and eat healthy foods for a lifetime. Well, don't we all?! My goal is for them to actually like it. The day Matt got home from the hospital I went through the cabinets and fridge. I threw out everything that was not a benefit to us. I filled a trash can with mayo, ranch, coffee creamer, ice cream...etc. I have since replaced everything with a "skinny" healthy version. Don't get me wrong, I really don't think we ate badly before but there was certainly room for improvement. For example, when we ate at Taco Bell we chose a chicken burro. Now we choose to drive on by :) I love to cook with lots of fresh whole foods and have a huge garden every year. Traveling for soccer is where we usually fail. After Matt got the stent the cardiologist told us not to go nuts but to use our basic 5th grade health education when eating. Have a salad for dinner, don't eat after 7:00, eat plenty of fruits, veggies and whole grains, eat ice cream...on your birthday. He didn't prescribe a specific diet to him just a smart one. We felt fairly aggressive was really better for everyone on a lot of fronts. I have since made better use of my bi-weekly Bountiful Basket and have a habit of reading the labels. A person in normal health shouldn't have more than 300mg of cholesterol a day, someone like Matt 200 mg. A teeny little container of Ben and Jerry's has 110 mg per serving (2 servings per container). We have quit using cheese which at first was much like giving up my arms. We have identified restaurants that have good choices for when we are busy or traveling for the kids sports. It's actually been a bit fun and challenging. Throughout the last 20 years I have dieted in some way or another a lot. I could always talk myself into or out of anything. It's different this time. We almost needed the punch in the mouth to get us fully commited to eating well, all the time. I was raised with perspective of, "Heck! You only live once! You might as well". Because of that I have had a lot of great experiences. But with food that's tricky. We also always used special occasions and holidays as excuses. After years of that you just start to say to yourself it's okay and you'll change your ways Monday. That infamous "Monday" has become one of our favorite jokes! After soccer last weekend we took the kids and Abbi's friend to a pizza place. The plan was for Matt and I share to a hearty salad and let the kids have pizza. That was a fine plan until that hot, steamy, cheesy pizza is dumped down in front of you! Poor Matt. I can eat it but shouldn't. The kids shouldn't and he can't. It was like he had just been given a bowl of brussel sprouts in lieu of a birthday cake. I shouted out, "Can I get a woot woot for keeping Daddy alive?". All the kids hollered, "woot woot!". He laughed, straightened up a bit and we all ate. Since that night anytime we are having a boring salad for dinner or choosing the "grilled chicken sandwich hold the mayo, hold the cheese, hold the fries" or the egg white omelet no cheese veggies only I shout out for a "woot woot". His near death (and didn't even know it) experience was scary. Our strength as a family and the gift of him in our lives is worth holding on tightly to. So, hold the cheese please!

Whoa! Didn't see that coming!

The events September brought into our home were defining, stupendous, magnificant, spectacular, horrible, scary and humbling.

Matt tells me one morning, "if anything even happens to me remember you will have insurance for a year, life insurance though the fire department, my retirement..." I thought it was odd that he just thought to give me a very clear and concise rundown of exactly what would happen in the event of his death. He doesn't remember our checking account number but gave me a 10 minute exact description of services. I figured he had just been to a benefits meeting or something at work. Soon after he told me that he had some chest pain while working out and made a doctors appointment. He meant like right then. He walked out the door. He wasn't sure if it was just the effects of a cold and cough or if there was something real. A friend of his, and fellow firefighter, recently had a heart attack so he was feeling nervous. He came home from the doc with instructions to see a cardiologist the following day. He went by himself and had a full set of tests run. Everything looked great. His cholesterol was at the top of the normal range, not considered high. His echocardiagram looked good and all other tests presented "normal". He continued to feel chest pain if stressing himself. They decided to do a stress test. He aced the stress test coming in 2nd only to a Marathon runner. The pain did return so they did one final "extra" test. It was a nuclear dye test. Nothing was picked up as a concern so he left. A week later he went in for a review of all the tests. The prognosis was concerning. The doc said that final test had shown a small area that may not have been getting enough blood in his heart. That was usually the result of some sort of blockage. He was scheduled for an angiogram (to look), possibly an angioplasty (to open it), and potentially a stent. At the old ripe age of 37 he was feeling very discouraged. A blockage would be the result of bad genes and untreated high cholesterol. Expect...his cholesterol numbers fit in their box. Discouraging. A few days later he went in for the procedure. About 45 minutes into it they came out to tell me that he had chronic issues. Of the three arteries bringing blood to his heart one was great, one was gone and one was blocked! WHAT! My first question was, "What do you mean gone?". Turns out that one had been blocked in the past. His body compensated by creating it's own intricate bypass system. It's something the cardiologist said takes time. He normally see's it in someone 70 years old because of the time it takes to create. So, this is not new. It means he has been in trouble since his 20's. The next question from me was regarding the 3rd artery blockage and whether it would be stented. That artery was 99% occluded (blocked). Just 1% away from failing. The process for the stent should have taken 45 minutes. Instead it took about 3 hours. He had a bizarre 'loop de loop' they had to naviagate around. Turning sharp corners with instruments, wires, stents and the like is tricky. The doctor was spectacular and got the job done. He opened everything up and placed three stents equalling roughly 40mm. He would have just gotten one but none would fit around that funny turn. He built one out of three. He also opened up an area down from that was comprimised as well. A patch of tape covered the small hole in his groin and to recovery he went. From that point forward every doctor, nurse, lab tech and custodian stopped by to say, "What! Wow! You are too young". Their concerns were genuine but that wore on him quickly. Yes! He is too young. Far too young! However, the fact it was found and fixed BEFORE he just dropped dead is a flat out miracle. How he hadn't already had a heart attack we have no idea. How all those tests showed normal results irritates me. The cardiologist said very matter of factly, "I don't know how we didn't kill you on the treadmill!" He said his case has changed his practice. His age, no warning signs, the test results in combination with such radical issues is jaw dropping. It turns out as well that the final test that showed "maybe something" is not usually a test insurance will cover. They want them to stop at the treadmill. However, it saved his life. Matt was very private about the pain, concerns and surgery. Now he is very open about it. He feels that he might just be the blessing that saves other lives. Had it not been for his friend that shared he would have never given his own pain a second thought! He was the poster child for psychological responses! He was scared, then he was mad that everyone has always said his cholesterol numbers were acceptable and now here he was getting heart surgery because of them. Confused followed and was quickly replaced with shock. He felt very fragile and "old" for a day or so and then transformation occured. He had been really quiet and mellow for like two weeks. Two days after the surgery he jumped off the couch and said, "I have to tell everyone. I have to save other people! If Pat had acted like this I would be dead!" Following that statement he spent the next 3 days on the phone. We should have bought stock in his cardiologists business. That man's phone is ringing off the hook!

Plllltttthhhh!!! (Translation: big fat raspberry)

September brought a bizarre and...dumb chain of events! We had a funky run of "funk". Weird and inconvenient things happened pretty much daily. First, the broken clock. My hubby's grandma died in April. He grew up very close to his "Mamaw" and "Papaw". He is quite sentimental and wanted a clock from her house. Growing up the sound of that clock summed up "grandma's house". Matt's dad was in Kentucky cleaning out her house and so we had him send it by UPS out to us. I arranged everything and Matt's dad and uncle packed it up and dropped it off. We learned in this process that the words THIS END UP and FRAGILE mean nothing! UPS managed to drop the 6 foot grandfather clock on its side. Not only was it damaged, it was broken in half! The amount of work this has caused me is totally unbelieveable. Their system is set up to take absolutely no fault. I have spent so much time on the phone and gathering "evidence" I feel I am now a bit of a clock expert. At this point our claim (which I had to fight for almost a month now just to be considered) is being considered. The hardest part was picking it up here in Flagstaff. It still smelled like her house but instead of being this solid remberence (on the hour, every hour) of their home and their lives, it's two box's of old wood and clock parts. It can be fixed but the senitmental value for my hubby will never be the same.

Next...the walking dead man! (this event deserves a post all of it's own)

Then just a handful of YUCK! (really it's more like a big scoop... not a handful)

I was at Fry's grocery store with Ryder and Charlotte. She is getting really heavy so I stopped in the parking lot to put her in a cart. I was standing in the "cart corral" buckling her. Ryder was standing right next to me also in the corral. I was just starting to pull the basket out when I got whacked with a cart right in the butt. It hit me right in the tailbone. I quickly turned around and saw a man getting into a red car looking at me. He had only one leg in the car and was looking right at me. He was in the space just a few feet from the corral. He was just staring at me emotionless. He had shoved his cart in while I was standing in it. I am not sure if he was intentionally trying to hit me but there was really no other outcome possible. I don't think I am hard to see, I am far from tiny. Stunned was all I felt at the time. My head was racing. This year has been a super rough one for my body. After having a baby, falling down a flight of stairs (bouncing all the way on my tailbone) and then falling down a driveway while snow blowing my pelvis and hip areas have needed extensive love. After numerous x-rays and an MRI I was diagnosed with Chronic Accute Sacroillitis. In June I had SI injections (giant needles inserted directly into my sacroilliac joints (where your hips join your tailbone) guided by a live xray and physical therapy 2-3 times a week for 6 months. This man had no idea what his little stunt could have done to me. What are the odds!? Arghh. I just moved his cart, backed out mine and walked towards the store. I looked back to see him watching me from his car. My only thought at the time was to pout out my lip and drop my head. Yep! I was full on pouting! I didn't really have it in me to be mad...yet! Later I thought of a million choice hand gestures, phrases and acts of violence I could have chosen. I still don't understand what he was thinking!

The 3rd Thursday of September was the kick-off to MOPS. It's a group of mommies all seeking community, friendship and something to prod them on in their daily lives home with preschoolers. I discovered this group when my big girls were little and I took a leave of absence from teaching. I started attending again last year after having Charlotte. I had fallen into a routine where everyday spilled into the next. I didn't have the energy to drag my kids anywhere or even get dressed. I was running a full time real estate business from home but the market had crashed so I had a lot of time on my hands. The thought of grocery shopping with these two new little ones was too much. After I was finished with the pity party for myself I looked up a new MOPS group. Funny what having two sets of kids does to you. It's often like I live two totally seperate lives at the exact same time. Anyway, I woke up excited for the MOPS kick off only to find I couldn't turn my head! Arghhh! That happens about once a year. I went anyway and tried to get as much out of it and have as much fun as I could. This was just a few days after Matt's huge scary heart incident so this neck thing was kind of the gnat on the final straw that broke the camels back. I really shouldn't have been driving with my neck like that but I was. When it was over I walked back to my car to find it had been wrecked. Hit and run! We have decent insurance but it comes with a decent deductible. So, because someone decided to leave me all their paint instead of a note we get to share a car for a week and fork up the deductible to get it fixed. The bumper is messed up as is the tailgate. So, I am super glad we have insurance because it's not going to be cheap.

While dropping off or picking up (I made so many trips that weekend I have no idea) Abbi I pulled a super stupid move! Super stupid! I was leaving a soccer field at NAU. I was turning left onto a main drag while steering with one hand. The other hand was busy! Whah! Yup...cell phone. I was trying to dial my phone while turning into an intercection (Yes, I know. Every part of me agrees). The next thing I know I am airborn and my surburban is bouncing and flying all over the place. I had managed to climb a curb with BOTH my right tires at the same time. However, I think they only jumped up and right back down. Something in Isabelle's cup holder splashed out and all over her. Whatever it was smelled bad (that will teach her not to leave yucky old crap in there). The worst part was the poor innocent old woman that happened to be on the sidewalk! She was quite upseat, I really did almost hit her. I actually looked her right in the eye before jerking my wheel and landing back down on the road. I couldn't help but laugh at the face she made. There was nothing funny about it but HOLY COW! Isabelle lectured me for the next 20 minutes and declared I was a horrible driver. Seriously, she just witnessed me hit and jump a huge curb super and nearly killed someone while using my phone. I think she is correct. Later I discovered I had taken a big chunk out of each spendy aluminum rim and ripped both tires. The tires on there were just replaced. I don't think my stupidity is covered under the warranty.


A few days later after having lunch with Matt I made a comment about how I had a weird rash on my pinky. I showed him. Little red ouchies all along the inside of my left pinky. I noticed a blister and questioned what was rubbing it. I looked over to the next finger, my ring finger. Ahhhh!!!! No!!!! My diamond was gone! It must have fallen out days before to have caused that irritation. Usually when "new crap" appears I laugh and think to myself, "bring it on!" Not that day. That day I just looked out the window on the way home and put the ring away. That ring symolizes a lot for me. It's more important to me than my actual wedding ring. For our 10th anniversary we went on a trip and renewed our vows. We got married (the first time) really young. The vows that preceeded that ring meant a lot more to me than the first round :) Someone told me once that you don't choose to be married once. You choose it everyday. That trip sort of marked a new beginning. I understood more what marriage really meant and what I was choosing. I love that ring! Not for the material factor but for what it represented to me.


I declared that the first day of Fall was going to bring a new fresh start. Only good things are in line headed our way! I am settling for nothing less.

The first day of Fall I went to pick up our tax return from our accountant. What!? A refund? We haven't had a refund in over 6 years. This one is a doosie too! Woo hoo! Can't wait to see what else is headed our way!

There are worms everywhere!

Once in awhile (alright, alright...often!) there are events in our life that are a bit out of the ordinary. They also seem to occur simultanously which is generally makes the series of events a lot more exciting. I am certain folks that lead boring, normal lives hear of these accounts and just decide we must be pathological liars. I do understand this. I think if I were on the outside looking it I would think we were a bunch of wacko's too. It started out just exciting, not weird. Unusual but in a great way! We have this boy that is 100% male. I swear Testosterone actually leaks out of him and puddles around his feet. I always believed that boys are girls were created as a pair and were of course different. However, I did believe a lot of the differences had to do with parental and environmental influences. After this fella entered our lives I couldn't disagree more. I do believe those things have an influence but I far more convinced it just wiring. From an early age ( a few days old, just kidding) this boy has been intersted in bikes, skateboards, motorcycles, jeeps, dirt, rocks, knives, guns, punching, wrestling. He was tiny in a little infant seat and would crane his neck around to see a motorcycle he could hear. He has been really early to do a lot of very risky and daring things. At 2 years old could climb a 6 foot fence, balance on a skateboard and climb the fridge by scaling the front. Before his 3rd birthday he could land a flip on a trampoline, perform tricks on a skateboard and climb full size trees. Today at 3 1/2 he rode a full sized bike without training wheels. It took 5 minutes or so working with daddy to get it right. However, within 1/2 hour he was riding the full street. We were of course cheering him on and recording his "first" big accomplishment on a 2 wheeler. After he rode around a bit he hopped off and stated, "I am ready for a motorcycle". Oh no! When he has asked to have a motorcycle for the last year we always tell him you get one after you learn to ride a 2 wheel big boy bike! He remembered that and now thinks it's time! This boy has only been out of diapers for a few months and is "ready" for a motorcycle. For daddy this was a big day! Everyone had gone in the house but me. I was outside on the phone in a fairly serious conversation. I heard the door slam so I looked around the corner to see what was up. Izze is throwing her arms all around yelling something. Finally what she was saying hit me! "There are worms EVERYWHERE", she was screaming. I quickly ended my conversation and headed inside. I knew WHAT worms I just didn't know WHY. That is in itself weird I know.I have an indoor organic vermipost worm farm I keep in our spa room. I put all of our compostables in the bin and the worms turn it into "black gold". The black gold is then used in my garden. It's actually quite cool and sanitary but mortifies some. We have had a few worm incidences in the past so I really was prepared for anything. There really were worms "everywhere". There was just one here and there and there and there... I couldn't figure out how they got out of the bin and literally everywhere. Matt and I ran around and picked them all up while Izze stood on the couch screaming and pointing them out. Ryder followed me around and kept trying to step on them as I was picking them up. Turns out someone had left that door open and Charli had wandered in and had taken off the lid again (she has done this a ton this week). But this time she pulled out a head of lettuce I had thrown in there and then took it on a trip around the house. She swung and flipped that lettuce that HAD been covered in worms finally dumping it in the living room. She took them on quite the trip and explains how they were all so spread out. The puppy ran around in between our legs as were cleaning them up and while Ryder was attempting to stomp them. I am sure he picked up any stragglers. Ryder says Charli ate one but I am pretending we didn't hear that! Even if she did I have learned one thing in my life. That which doesn't kill you usually just gives you the runs! Ha!

Karma

The idea of Karma is that all deeds are viewed as actively shaping past, present, and future experiences. I don't really believe in Karma. However, the cycle of cause and effect seemed to be actively present in my day. I felt like I didn't like I slept a wink despite being exhausted from spending the previous day at the fair. Labor Day is supposed to be one of those "relaxing" days where everyone just hangs out, sleeps in, eats fun food and doing useless things for longer than necessary. Somehow though, those plans never seem to translate out right. Abbi wanted to get to a sale that started at 7:00 so I knew sleeping in wasn't going to happen. However, after a night of muscial beds I was awakened at 6:00am by a sound I know all too well. It was a super loud, super gooey, super powerful sneeze. One of those that my first response is, "OH NO!" I rolled over and peeled my eyes open to see Ryder standing next to me with walrus boogers! Arghhh! No!!! Before I could intervene he had reached down and wiped his face on our comforter! I drug myself out of bed and headed downstairs with him. What did he want to do at 6:00am? Watch the IRON MAN DVD I had rented! In two days we have watched this movie about 200 times. I enjoyed it the first 2 times but the next 198 took me to the brink. For some reason it really struck him and he adores it! I made coffee and tried to wake up a bit. With coffee in hand Abbi and I headed to the sale at 7:00am. While there Aunt Flo decided to pay me a visit. How convenient! We ended up at the store for 3 hours! It was a great sale. Therefore, the nuts were out in full force. People were clogging the aisles, pushing baskets out of their way and just acting stupid. There was a giant line to use the dressing rooms. One lady had even resorted to squeezing herself into various things while still wearing her clothes and spinning over and over in front of a warper mirror in a corner. I found that wildly entertaining! Abbi tried on about 100 things because nothing seems to ever fit her! Welcome to my world baby, sorry. She was lucky enough to really hit the mother load of deals! The cashier we got had broken her thumb the day before and had a bandage the size of a roll of paper towels. She was really struggling to accomplish anything. She messed up my payment which required several other workers to intervene to get it corrected. I had only had coffee before leaving so I was really starving and ready to get out of there. On the way home I remembered I needed to buy a birthday present for my great neice. We raced to buy a present from a store that had huge lines at the check out. There was some sort of conflict that landed us at their store also far longer than necessary. Afterwards I raced it to my sisters house to drop it off. When I finally got home around 11:00 I walked in to find tiny little Tootsie Doodies. Apparently no one had let the dog out while I was gone! By this point I had my fill of the super fun relaxing events the Labor Day Holiday was delivering. I stomped off to the bathroom and slammed the door. Now, let me preface this next account with some family history. I have no idea how or why but every toilet seat we have in every house breaks. All of them! Even the ones in the bathrooms only small people use. My hypothesis is that "someone" is standing on them in the unsupported areas. Why? I have no idea but it has happened in the last 4 houses! Either way it seems that we procrastinate in replacing them... far longer than necessary! I plopped myself down totally annoyed that I had to clean up poop and boogers all before lunch. Wouldn't you know it, that lovely broken toilet seat jumped up and grabbed a handful of my super white stretch marked covered upper thigh and pinched the fire out if it! I was yelping, screaming and hollering all at the same time! That just about pushed me right over the edge when I heard Matt yell out, "Nice! It got me yesterday!" Ha! I sat there and just laughed! After getting over myself and my bummer attitude I admired my eyebrow that does seem to be growing back some and laughed some more. I exited the bathroom with a new outlook and attitude! Apparently I had needed a reset. I had allowed several insignificant events to spiral me in the Whineville. No matter what is "planned" there are some days that just go well and some that will just bite you on the ass!

Out the mouth of Ry!

Early in the week Ryder was watching Like Mike on TV. It's a cute little movie about an orphan that finds a pair of Michael Jordan's shoes that were hit by lightening. When he wears them he plays basketball, "like Mike". Ryder was mesmorized by the movie. I am not even sure he blinked. Afterwards he got my keys and told me we needed to go get him "some tricky shoes". I finally figured out he was asking me to find him shoes like in the movies. Every day since he has asked over and over for them. He is dead serious and wants to FLY! Sunday Matt is going to take him to find some. No harm in feeding that imagination! I guess we will just have to make sure he doesn't get disappointed.

I was dropping him off for school and I asked if we needed to blow his nose. His reply to me, "No. My burgers are gone and nothing is melting right now!" For the rest of my life when I get a runny nose I will think of that!

I was sitting at my desk and my foot was twisted to the side. He was sitting on the floor right by me and yelled, "GROSS!" I figured it was something the dog or the baby did. Nope! He was pointing to MY feet! My heel to be specific. I laughed and laughed. I really love flip flops but they don't love me and frankly my feet are gross!

This morning he woke up at 6:30. I was ignoring him hoping he would go back to sleep (of course he was in my bed). He grabbed my face and held it with both hands. He announced in a growl, "Mom! Did you forget to feed me dinner yesterday?". I guess he was hungry. I told him I had made him dinner but he chose not to eat it. He said to me, "That wasn't real food. I needed a real dinner".

Player #11 please step forward!

The last few days have been a whirlwind! This was the first week of school. Due to weather and construction delays everyone started at different times. In the midst Abbi was finishing up high school volleyball tryouts. That experience proved to be one of the most emotional of my mothering. Multitudes of girls wanted it so badly and were all giving their very best. I watched only for a few minutes, literally 2-3, before crying! The drive, stamina and drive was astounding! I knew she had put her very best forward but nonetheless was nervous and afraid for her. I have been on the other side of "not making it" and wouldn't wish that on anyone. In the end she did make the team and it's been very exciting to hear all that will be involved. Mostly I am just glad that part is over. I literally was having nightmares and stomach cramps. I am so incredibly moved by the person my little girl proved to be in the process. It gives me a lump in my throat. There is nothing more in my life that moves me than seeing someone reach their potential!

Oops! I so didn't mean to do that!

Tomorrow is the first offical day back to school. My third is starting preschool, my second middle school and my first high school. The baby gets some time alone! Well, the high school first day has been delayed. There was flooding due to a rainstorm so she scored a few extra days. Either way, we treated today as the offical last day of summer! I went to the grocery store, did the laundry, cleaned the house and took a nap. The girls went to mall and blew all their summer earnings. Afterwards we started the summer makeovers! I gave both a new haircut (it's not torture, they actually prefer I cut it). We curled, twisted and sprayed practicing for what tomorrow morning would look like. After hair we moved to hair removal! I used to tease my husband when were dating that if we were to ever have kids we would have to dip them once a week in kerosene and light them on fire to keep the hair at bay! Ha! My family is just fuzzy, peach fuzzy. My dad has like 2 hairs on his chest but the women come with a layer of fur. To my dismay in time they also often grow a beard! His family comes with torso hair! Our kids are super lucky! He grows it everywhere he doesn't want it but no longer grows it on the top of his head. I have been waxing Abbi's (14) eyebrows for at least a year. Tonight, I did her first. When she was finished we talked Izze into a turn (11). She really wanted to but was scared. We convinced her it was worth it and away I went. The anticipation was like getting a shot or giving blood. She freaked! She wiggled, giggled, squirmed and screamed. I peeled her hands away from her face and applied the wax. She begged I tell her "when". So, I jerked the strip and yelled, "WHEN". She almost didn't let me do the other eye. When she was finished her eyebrows looked better but her face was hysterically red and blotchy. She said over and over, "That hurt! It hurt! So bad! I can't believe it!'. My reply to her, "Oh gee. You have a lot more to come sista!". The things we do to beautify! My son came out of the womb with a unibrow. I have wanted to rip it off for 3 years. After Izze calmed her rant I asked him if he wanted a turn. He said, "yup!" and hopped up. I laid the strip down and ripped right down the middle. He gave me an evil eye but calmly replied, "Ouch". I did a second strip and away he went. He said as he was getting down, "that hurt!". I told him it does but he looked magnificant. He turned and gave me double thumbs up. Everyone looked so good I figured I deserved a freshening too. I invited Izze to witness me rip my "moustache" off. We went in the bathroom and did just that. She was horrified but I pretended it didn't phase me. I followed the lip with the tops of each eyebrow and in between. By that point I was bored with the hours of beautification and was moving quickly. Two more rips and I could move on. I pulled the first strip and then just stood in awe of what I had just accomplished. My eyebrow...gone! Well, half of it! Bald and shiny skin left where there was once a perfectly fine and wild brow! Oops! I so didn't mean to do that! I invited both girls to evaluate my work. They were horified and in shock of my display. "What are you going to do? ",they asked. I replied, "This!" and ripped off the other! I figured I might as well match! I have done far worse things to myself than sacrifice 50% of a brow. In my 36 years I have mutilated nearly every part of me in some way or another. I am also aware there are multitudes of women that do this on purpose! So, for now I will DRAW in the missing halves. Hmmm....maybe I can finally have the perfectly arch like the eyebrows in magazines. Except they just might be as convincing using my black Sharpie!

OK...fine, fine!

I started this blog months ago with every intention of writing down the funny things that make up my life. However, I didn't really do it. I swear something funny happens every hour. I also stand firm that if I told the honest truth of my days people would believe I was a pathalogical liar! It would appear that there is just 'no way'. However, after what seems like hundreds of people in my life have said, "you are nuts not to write this stuff down" I have decided it's just what I will do. It in theory should take me just a minute to jot down these accounts. It's these simple accounts that not only create my life but also quickly evade my memory and will someday be lost if not written. I vow and commit right here, right now to document! I shall just write the happenings and daily events of my normal, average, spectacular and often hysterical life. If no one else ever reads it, fine. If they do, alright then. I have proven to myself that I am forgetful and these moments make my life, "my life" so they are worth writing. If only for my own recall or my kids enjoyment. So, from here forward believe it or not THIS IS MY LIFE!

Don't panic! It was my kid!

Getting 6 people anywhere on time and ready is always a chore. Our plan for Easter service at church was to be there about 20-30 minutes early. We figured it was a "hot" church day and we wanted to make sure we had time to get everyone settled. We started extra early but somehow managed to be racing out the door 10 minutes before it was to begin. I really have no concept of time and couldn't care less about being late. My husband on the other hand hates it! He will often refuse to go in or won't attempt to go at all if it looks like being late will be noticed or cause a scene. He does have a point that rolling into a room as a group of 6 is not usually missed. Luckily, the church is close to our house. We arrived, parked, unloaded, and got to the far side of the building and were scrambling to check in the kids in hopes of making less of a grand entrance during the beginning. The parking lot was full and they were closing doors. It was clear we were "last". I could hear the music beginning and expected to be hunting for empty seats in the dark. Just as I was signing in Ryder for his class, lights started flashing and a screeching siren sounded. I saw Matt's face immediately. It was priceless! He was already racing towards to door leading to the hallway. Honestly, I knew who was responsible! Ryder had pulled the fire alarm! The teachers were already evacuating classrooms and organizers were frantically searching for the source of emergency. I announced to each person with a look of panic on their face that it was a false alarm and that my son had pulled it. I continued with checking in the little ones. I was hoping to not have to take responsibility in front of the couple hundred that had stopped singing to evacuate! The best part is that Matt ran to the door of the kids area and just stood there like he didn't know what had happened! Ha! Later Ryder said, "I pull the thing and it said wee ooo wee oo!". Really, how would he know not to? It's bright red and eye level for him. It's typical for our family that not only would we not be early or even on time but that everyone would have to be evacuated because we arrived!

Valentines Day

My mom always did fun things on holidays when I was growing up and still mails box's full of fun holiday things to my kids now. So, as a mom I try to make each holiday special and memorable (even if I don't feel like it). This year for Valentines Day I decided to make a super fancy dinner with candles, a great dessert and sparkling cider. It's nice to get away and have a date night but we generally have more fun celebrating with our kids anyway. Restaurants are crowded and getting a sitter on nights like New Years or Valentines Day proves tricky. We went to lunch and to a movie to celebrate alone earlier in the day instead. I kept telling Ryder all day, "you have to be a good listener because today is love day". He didn't really get it but I try every angle I can come up with as a bargaining tactic. I made the kids big heart pancakes with strawberries and chocolate in them, cut snacks into hearts while constantly bargaining with "today is love day" tactic. For dinner I planned a special menu full of time consuming yummy things. I used my best tablecloth, new silverware and red plates. I dug out my super special delicate wine glasses! I had to wash them because they hadn't been used in so long they looked like antiques. The only entertaining we do in our house is kid centered. These glasses are probably the only thing left from our wedding gifts. I knew my big kids would get a kick in seeing these came out of the cabinet. Everything looked great! While setting the table I had to explain several times to Ryder the candles were for Love Day, it wasn't his birthday. I was feeling very accomplished and proud of my romantic dinner. Just as I was about to pull everything out of the oven I heard a unique snapping sound. I looked over at the living room and most everyone was laying on the couch watching TV....except for one. I glance over to the dining room and there was my answer! Ryder was sitting up on a chair gently snapping the beautiful delicate stems of my glasses right in half. It wasn't a malicious attempt to ruin my plans, it's just what he does. I secretly laughed and then pitched a fit over my special stupid glasses. I got over it, Abbi replaced what was left with Halloween goblets, exchanged Valentines and had our romantic dinner for 6!