The point of this blog is really more of a personal journal for me. Mostly I just write about what I am thinking and feeling at that time. I am almost afraid for people to read it because I know I am wired differently than most. I always have been. My life doesn't seem possible to some. But it is. I seem to attract radical things both good and bad. I have the weirdest messed up stuff happen followed by blessing people only dream of. Either way, it's real and it's my life. Even if it's only for the kids to read again someday it will have been worth every second!
I just looked back at what I have blogged about the last few times. I can say for certain that September sucked! October was fine and created some recovery time for the events of September. A lot of great things showed up in October as well. Matt has been feeling well after the heart incident. We are getting better at eating well when we are out or out of town. That was a real trick. Sometimes eating well is crazy expensive and hardly ever quick. Luckily we have found some great options. Matt was also nominated for firefighter of the year. I am really proud of that! He has been a firefighter and paramedic for several years and I have no photos of him in action. I want them but can't appropriately get them. If he is in action, someone is at risk. This last week I was able to catch a great shot of him in his full gear. He had brought a fire truck to Ryder's school. While he was putting hoses away I took one shot that I will forever cherish. There is a confidence and calmness to him. The events of September are greatly responsible for this look of profound peace.
Over the last year I had a goal of finishing a book I have been writing by April 1st (2010). I tend to get distracted doing things that are useless instead of working on it. I will play on Facebook, watch TV or just open up a whole new project that will get ignored. Setting that deadline at the time seemed logical but really I had 3 busy kids, was nursing a newborn and was running a full time business. By late March I was depressed and angry that I had failed myself in finishing it. April 1st was really a slap in the face because I had let myself get to that date without completing much more than when I had set the goal date. I make a lot of deals with myself and that day was no different. I knew I couldn't finish my book in a day so I bargained out an option. I decided something was going to happen at least in that direction THAT day. I figured it would have to be somewhat fast and simple. I plopped down and wrote two articles. One I was able to polish up, print and mail away. I stood at the mailbox and with every positive thought and faithful prayer I raised the red flag and threw it in the mailbox. Still disappointed for not having reached my real goal I was at least somewhat satisfied that I did at least something real by the end of my own proposed deadline. In the last few weeks that article was purchased by a major national magazine. I was paid the equivalent of $100 a minute for what it took me to write it. Most importantly, I know with complete understanding it was God's way of lining me up in the direction I am supposed to go. It was reassurance that these desires and wishes (often considered crazy ideas by many) are mine and my purpose. I have just the right tools for some specific jobs. I am more than willing to do them and use them but most often don't know where, how or when. I want to just float and let it happen but that is so much harder than it sounds. This one event has been such an eye opener to me that anything is better than nothing. A journey begins with a single step. I am always wildly leaping around. I just needed to stop and take a baby step in a new direction. I am so hopeful and excited to see what follows and what comes next!
