My Mama!

Today at MOPS the leader had brought her mother as a guest. In the introduction she gave her mom credit for a lot of things she is proud of. She said she taught her how to cook, dust, sew and such. As a mother now herself she was giving her mother loving credit for the mothering she received. Another gal turned to me and said, "I really need to learn to some things so I can teach my kids. My mom knows how to do a lot of things but didn't teach us girls any of them". I find it fascinating how we tend to do that! We want certain things for our kids or have great things to share and then we just don't. In both good ways and bad ways we often forget to pay it forward. It is a continuous weight on me to "share" my gifts with my kids. This goal has claimed a permanent place under "family" every time I sit and write goals out. Never do I quite feel like I am taking enough time or making making enough effort to transfer these skills and knowledge. Yet, I have to give myself some credit because I do a lot of fun things with my kids and we do a lot of fun special things for them. However, I know I have so so much more to give them. The great thing is, this is info from me they actually want. When she was finished I started to roll a list through me head of the things I know how to do because my mama took the time to teach me. My eyes welled up and I had a lump in my throat. At the time a silly fun song was being belted out about the hilarities of motherhood. My friend next to me must have noticed my sudden sink and asked why I was crying at the song. I laughed and told her I had just made a mental list of the things I know how to do. I know how to do these things not because I had a mother but because of my particular mama! A few weeks ago our table leader made a comment about how every mother is given children that need what she has to offer. I had never thought of it that way. I have these 4 super different children. It's hard to fathom that I contain (or contain the ability to contain) all that they need from me. On my drive home I ran the list through my head of the blessings my mom has shared. Not just with me but many with my kids too. I can draw and paint because my mom showed me how. Making a pair of pants, a set of drapes, new bedding or a teddy bear is possible because she taught me how. Knit, crochet, needlepoint and those funny rugs with little pieces of yarn and hook things have all been completed with success because of her lesson, encouragement and supplies. When Halloween rolled around not only did I have a costume, I had a hand painted costume that won the contest because she painted and painted for hours to make it just right. When I ran for various offices I didn't just have xeroxed posters filling the halls. Oh no! My mom brought me a pig to walk the halls on a leash in a t-shirt that read, "Vote for Hope". At some point I had a pet goat. I have no idea why but she made us matching clown suits and we paraded around the ice rink (I am going to have to ask her about this one. Ha!). When my friends spent the night she used our best glasses to serve us fancy desserts and in the morning made pancakes in the shape of Pac-Man. I have no idea how many hours she spent painting little scenes on my nails with her very best brushes and her very best paints. Most of the time I am not afraid to step forward and give things a shot...because she taught me to try. Setting the expectation that I can pull something off happens because she told me...I could do it. Now that I am a mother of teenagers I often think of the times my mom arrived after a dance in her nightgown and winter coat to pick me up without a cross word regarding the fact that I was the LAST one out of the building. As I set up carpools in attempts to get everyone where they need to be I often think, "how in the world was she able to take me to all those things?" Not only me but she usually was driving my friends too yet I don't remember anyone other than her ever driving me. I was never called lazy, dumb, or useless. My mama told me I was smart, creative, fun and beautiful. The best part is that she loves to share the cool things with my kids too! Having two sets of kids has made it a bit tricky. Regardless when I made the mental list of what my kids have gotten to do and learn with her just makes me dance. My big girls have sewn pillows, frogs and bags. The have cooked and baked everything under the rainbow. There is no slice and bake cookie experience for this lady, oh no. She has taught my kids how to make pretzels, fudge, taffy, gingerbread houses, bagels, cinnamon rolls and dinner in a campfire. They have made ice cream in a coffee can and cake in ovens they made themselves! Building houses, sewing new clothes and anything else Barbie Doll related for hours and hours and hours. Every holiday a box arrives full of festive goodies! Themed shirts, socks, stickers, candy, nativity calendars... Every birthday always was topped with a special cake made by grandma taken to the extreme. There is not enough space and my fingers are not even capable of noting all the special magical things my kids have lived, nor have I. These things are mine, all mine. Because...she is my mama! I now seem to take some of those things to a whole new level. I don't want to make a pillow, I want to make shoes! I don't want to have a few people over, I want to throw a party for 500! My life is what it is because my childhood mattered. I mattered. I wasn't left home all alone or dumped off with people. My folks weren't party animals or workaholics. I wasn't beaten or mentally abused. I was loved. My kids would be enormously blessed if I pulled off even a fraction of what my mom and dad have done for me! Ahhh...my dad. He deserves a post all of his own!

Sweet November

The point of this blog is really more of a personal journal for me. Mostly I just write about what I am thinking and feeling at that time. I am almost afraid for people to read it because I know I am wired differently than most. I always have been. My life doesn't seem possible to some. But it is. I seem to attract radical things both good and bad. I have the weirdest messed up stuff happen followed by blessing people only dream of. Either way, it's real and it's my life. Even if it's only for the kids to read again someday it will have been worth every second!

I just looked back at what I have blogged about the last few times. I can say for certain that September sucked! October was fine and created some recovery time for the events of September. A lot of great things showed up in October as well. Matt has been feeling well after the heart incident. We are getting better at eating well when we are out or out of town. That was a real trick. Sometimes eating well is crazy expensive and hardly ever quick. Luckily we have found some great options. Matt was also nominated for firefighter of the year. I am really proud of that! He has been a firefighter and paramedic for several years and I have no photos of him in action. I want them but can't appropriately get them. If he is in action, someone is at risk. This last week I was able to catch a great shot of him in his full gear. He had brought a fire truck to Ryder's school. While he was putting hoses away I took one shot that I will forever cherish. There is a confidence and calmness to him. The events of September are greatly responsible for this look of profound peace.

Over the last year I had a goal of finishing a book I have been writing by April 1st (2010). I tend to get distracted doing things that are useless instead of working on it. I will play on Facebook, watch TV or just open up a whole new project that will get ignored. Setting that deadline at the time seemed logical but really I had 3 busy kids, was nursing a newborn and was running a full time business. By late March I was depressed and angry that I had failed myself in finishing it. April 1st was really a slap in the face because I had let myself get to that date without completing much more than when I had set the goal date. I make a lot of deals with myself and that day was no different. I knew I couldn't finish my book in a day so I bargained out an option. I decided something was going to happen at least in that direction THAT day. I figured it would have to be somewhat fast and simple. I plopped down and wrote two articles. One I was able to polish up, print and mail away. I stood at the mailbox and with every positive thought and faithful prayer I raised the red flag and threw it in the mailbox. Still disappointed for not having reached my real goal I was at least somewhat satisfied that I did at least something real by the end of my own proposed deadline. In the last few weeks that article was purchased by a major national magazine. I was paid the equivalent of $100 a minute for what it took me to write it. Most importantly, I know with complete understanding it was God's way of lining me up in the direction I am supposed to go. It was reassurance that these desires and wishes (often considered crazy ideas by many) are mine and my purpose. I have just the right tools for some specific jobs. I am more than willing to do them and use them but most often don't know where, how or when. I want to just float and let it happen but that is so much harder than it sounds. This one event has been such an eye opener to me that anything is better than nothing. A journey begins with a single step. I am always wildly leaping around. I just needed to stop and take a baby step in a new direction. I am so hopeful and excited to see what follows and what comes next!