Today was just one of those days...

Today was just one of those days. Actually, the last two have been. My hubby is out of town so our schedule is off. I have been going to bed late and barely sleeping. I have a bad habit of taking on others pain and stress. It's not always a bad thing but when you are worried about characters you saw in a movie it's a little much. Over the weekend an old friend of mine was drugged and beaten on her way home from dress shopping and having a drink with a friend. She has been unable to remember anything and can barely walk. The police were not helpful and she is scared. The fear and uncertainty she is feeling is uncomprehendable to me. You just never know what kind of both good and bad surprises life has for you. The questions and what if's that have to be running through her head have been running through mine as well. Last night both my big girls came home with horror stories of what teachers had said to or about them. I can be quite a pushover and find it hard to stand up for myself. The difference is when it comes to my kids I come out swinging. I like to think I do so in a level headed and effectively appropriate aggressive way...hee hee. However, the anger, frustration and struggle is the still there. I want to take it ALL on for them. I want to right the wrongs and clear the path for them. If they hurt themselves I want to fix them. If they lose their way I will run to the ends of the earth to find them. It's more than I can bear sometimes when an adult and worse yet a teacher is who hurt them. I went to bed angry with my head spinning and woke up just about the same. I spent an hour in the high school admin office waiting for the Principal while entertaining Charlotte. By the time he got to me she had thrown in the towel. A receptionist witnessed my struggle with her and gave me a little bag of Cheez-It crackers. That helped for about 40 seconds. Nothing was really resolved in my quick meeting with the Principal so I left a trail of crumbs and left. Getting back into to car I was feeling very defeated. Before I was out of the parking lot I heard Charlotte dump that bag of crackers all over herself and down into her car seat. Any parent knows the treasures that can be found in the depths of a childs carseat can be horrifying. I got a few things accomplished I had been putting off and Charlotte took a nap. A friend recommended a website. It was so spectacular and amazing I am forever changed. It was so poetic and inspiring. Even though it was inspiring I ended up crying several times. I had to keep wiping my eyes so I could keep looking at pictures and reading. Feeling a ton better after spending literally hours on the website and related blog we went to pick up Ryder from school. I caught a glimps of myself in a reflection. The morning had been very rushed and I was lucky to get a shower. I had thrown my hair up into a stringy wet pony tail. I was starving and my face looked like I had been crying for a week. Ryder had a hard time leaving because he couldn't find his "monster paper". We searched for it, pretty much woke up all the kids napping and ended up leaving without it. I bumped Charlotte's head leaving the school before putting her in her carseat. As I backed out to close her door I spotted those Cheez-Its she had spilled earlier. I grabbed a few and tossed them in my mouth. As I got in the passenger seat Ryder said, "Hey! Wait! I want an orange snack! Where did you get it?" I reached back and grabbed a handful of Cheez-Its out of her seat from him. I lifted her leg and grabbed a few more for myself. I chuckled and looked at myself in the rear view mirror. Some days everything goes your way and other days it seems logical to eat orange snacks out of the toddlers carseat abyss. Today was just one of those days.