I will go anywhere, provided it is forward.

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.
James F. Byrnes

I am not afraid of dying. I am most afraid of not living! I of course don't want to die but the thought of not fulfilling what I was born for horrifies me. God gave me all these wishes, desires, dreams and skills on purpose. We are supposed to do something with those. When I taught Life Skills at the middle school I had a lesson about looking forward. I asked the students if it would make sense to drive a car forward by looking in the rear view mirror only. Their answer always included a gasp. Of course some hysterical kid would say, "Huh huh, that would be cool". For the most part they couldn't imagine it possible. Why then do people spend so much of their lives looking back? I know people that are in the back cargo area of their car hanging on by their toes out the window scratching at the road passing. I saw a guy with a shirt in Taco Bell once that read, "The older I get the better I was". I laughed at the time but now I hate everything about that! Why can't the rest of your life be the best of your life? I was stronger, faster, tighter but now I am smarter. A job is easier when you have the right tools. Most of the tools we have in our belts were placed their by previous triumphs and failure. That means going forward will be easier. Better. My failures hurt. I don't want to repeat them. It makes my heart ache to see people long so badly for a time when they were better, when their lives were richer, when they were healthier or when things were more fun. Some want back their kids when they were little so much that they miss the incredible adults they have become or the grandchildren they have produced. It pains me to hear people say they could have been instead of what they still can be. God planted those dreams and talents in us to do it. If you are still here, you are still supposed to do it. Now, I am not thrilled about the recurring gray hair that appears on the top of my head. I have discovered no matter how much I pull and stretch my face there is a line that doesn't disappear and I do think shorts are a thing of my past. I do think of the consequences on my body before I set out in an activity even if it just entails walking. But I am grateful for the knowledge and security time is giving me as well. I care a lot less about what others think and believe a lot more in myself and others. It's often that I would wish those that think I can't or shouldn't would get out of my way so that I can. I know a lot of us are so busy looking down "while driving" that they don't know what just passed or can't see what is yet to come. It's easy to get distracted adjusting knobs, texting, digging for change that you didn't catch any of the journey either. I now someone like this. She is always making plans for when she has time, when she is thinner, when her kids are older. Time is the only thing we all have equal amounts of in a day. No matter how young, old, fat, thin, dark, light, smart or dumb. We all get 24 hours. How we use them, that's a different story. I tend to live my life like a waitress. I attempt to work on a ton of different things at once. It's a lot like the plate spinning act. Some get a lot better service and once in awhile one gets ignored so much they vanish. I certainly have a lot of room to grow in organization and efficiency. The hurdle to those for me is consistency. It's my greatest strength and weakness. I think I look forward...through a giant windshield. The greatest pressure in my life is that of possibility and opportunity! I lay awake and worry far more about what I need to do in the sense of what I am meant to do. Looking into the future too far can be problematic as well. I thought of this last night while driving up from Phoenix. Something was off but I couldn't identify it. Turns out I had a headlight out. I wasn't used to seeing things this way. I could only see "enough". I have trained myself to look at a much larger space. It's a good representation of me. I think and see broadly and usually at a quicker pace than others that I can add undue pressure. I also imagine and dream up so much for my future it may be unrealistic that it will all happen, and then in my eyes I will have failed. I don't waste a lot of time and energy looking back but I have to remind myself not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. The steps I take today will get me there but I can't leap out of today, and shouldn't. Now, glancing back to see where we have been does have merit. So, for me the sum of all these things is just move and look forward with an occasional glance back. That's why the windshield is 500 x's larger than the rear view mirror, there is more to come than what has passed.