Oprah: Why am I so nervous?

When I started this I was just thrilled at the possibility. Then I got excited about the process. Once it was a reality I freaked. Frankly, I surprised myself. My head still felt the same but my body was responding with an extreme nervousness. Why? I have been asking myself that for days. I am rarely nervous and always think big. This morning I realized it. It has nothing to do with The Oprah Show specifically. It has to do with me and what I think I am supposed to do with my life. Here's why. This is going to be lengthy but it's not an assignment for school. It's my blog. The one I started as a journal for my life and my family. I am going to write out just exactly what I am thinking in hopes that I can grab this with both hands and move forward rather than being the dog that wanted to go for a walk all day and now is pulling back on the leash. Nervous is OK if it doesn't hold me back.

"I knew there was a way out. I knew there was another kind of life because I had read about it. I knew there were other places, and there was another way of being." Oprah Winfrey

Because she not only knew, she went. Possibility was out there. The potential of what life could be, what it could bring and what she could do with it was in front of her. It's in front of all of us but not everyone moves towards it. It's placed in our hearts not by accident. I believe with all my heart and soul that God plants those seeds for a reason and it is our job not only to discover them but for them to come to fruition. It's not an easy thing to do. While we might try some most of us are not even at a remote fraction of the speed and power we could be. Oprah not only had the "know" she had the strength. I read a quote once I love. It said strength is not only about getting back up when you are knocked down but how hard you can get hit without falling. It is hard for me to even comprehend how hard people and situations have hit her and come at her over her career and lifetime.

Why has she had such a huge impact on us as a society? I think it's because people are afraid to go it alone. For the majority it's easier to ride on the people mover than walk the long route. If someone drags us there we are more likely to get there than if we we are left to our own demise. Everyone has a different set of gifts and abilities. There are natural born leaders that have the power to motivate, inspire and drive others. They are usually great starters and finishers. There are others that are good at the leg work. They may not have thought of the idea but they have the stamina, patience and drive to see things through to successful completion. I believe it's rare when someone is both. A great starter doesn't always want to stick around to see it through. They get bored. My thoughts are that Oprah is both. She was not only excited about what might lay ahead of her but she trudged forward, and forward and forward. I am a great starter, dreamer, motivator but I get bored. I don't quit because I gave up. I just scoot it aside to move on to my next super thing. I have great respect for anyone that can see it through. It reminds me of something I read. In Lance Armstrong's book It's Not About The Bike he explains drifting. It's the process in which while riding uphill or in difficult situations other riders would surround him. Within the dynamic realm of physics they would actually pull him so he could rest. I tend to be the person that is usually sprinting and running and circles when others have a reasonable and logical pace. It's a pace that isn't always possible to keep up. When I fall behind I have people in my life (often without them having any idea) that surround and pull me in the direction I started in. My husband is the best at it. Ok...you've rested, get a move on. Once I rest and build up some momentum again I can regain my strength and pace. When I look at Oprah with this thinking the picture that comes to mind is more like her riding a bike uphill with a ton of ropes coming off her. At the end of those ropes are a bunch of heavy carts being pulled uphill yet she rode ahead. The riders that surrounded Lance Armstrong had to be incredibly strong and awesome as well. Their talent was to surround him to help him accomplish his task. Their task was his task. My thoughts are it would would take a lot of phenomenal "riders" around Oprah to keep her going. I believe she has only a select few close riders and the rest comes from the affects she see's in the lives of the people she has affected (wind on her back). I want to hug her. Not for my benefit but maybe to pass some extra energy and strength her way. I am sure she can use all she can get!

I have a great sense of respect for her. I also have a lot of anxiety on her behalf (I worry way more about others than myself. I don't sleep over TV characters!) I am sure the rewards of the efforts and fame are amazing. On the flip side the constant resistance of people and the world has got to be exhausting. Never really knowing how far someone's loyalty goes, having the added pressure of millions that want you to pull them forward while they drift along, the greed and craziness that would come from such financial wealth. I would imagine there have been some very lonely times. For goodness sakes, she is a human. She still has to shower, sleep, stub her toe and avoid the brownies that scream to me too. She still looks in the mirror closely and probably thinks, "Hmmm...where did that come from?" She still daydreams and has nightmares. The fact that she is human is what makes us nuts about her. Our traditional "movie stars" carry the idea of allure of the characters they have played. They aren't easy to relate too because we try to relate to the image and "show". Oprah has shared her struggles, joy, anger, and dreams. That is easy to relate to. The difference is the place in which she shares those from. The other huge difference is what she gives back. ANYONE that has the audience to change the world for the better should. They have seriously missed the boat if they are not. It makes me sick when I hear a football player signed a contract for $50M or an actor got paid for $40M for a movie that brought pain and sadness into our lives or to run around like bafoons. Once in a while they make some donation (normally loudly in public) and everyone cheers. I have told my husband for years that if I ever win the lottery...WHEN I win the lottery...my plan is to give it all away. The joy that would come from giving it all away would be better than anything you could buy! He actually gets a little angry in this discussion but I tell him to prepare himself because it's going to happen. I say the lottery because an amount like that could make dramatic change. If I win a scratcher we are going to dinner :) Ha! Anyway, what is cool about Oprah financial situation is that it allows her not only to be able to but to do with oomph! Her desire to change things for the better has come back ten fold. Even if it hadn't my heart says she would have done it anyway which is a lesson to all of us.

"What material success does is provide you with the ability to concentrate on other things that really matter. And that is being able to make a difference, not only in your own life, but in other people's lives." Oprah Winfrey

I would rather be in her presence than the Presidents. A President climbed up through a system with teams of people surrounding them. It's not easy feat that is for sure but you don't go that road alone. She went where no one else had gone and stayed the course for more than half her lifetime and changed the world more than I think most Presidents have. That's moxy.

What does this mean for Kara? I hope it means way more than a fun time where she gets the experience of a lifetime and a new doo. I am constantly pushing her to believe more is possible. She always says, "Why me?" I always ask her, "Why not you?" She has worked really, really hard to get to the point in her life she is at. Her childhood was messed up. The odds she has already overcome to fight for an education, find a terrific spouse, set goals for her own children is terrific. She has already done so much and gone so far that I think she may sometimes forget to set some new giant marks. Frankly, we all do that. The last couple of days she has said again and again, "this doesn't happen to people like me". Yes! Yes, it does. What more would you like? It's there for you my friend. It's always been there. Waiting.

What does this me for me? It's a promise. It's a promise of God's faithfulness in my life. Nothing is out of reach and everyone has the same chance. I said in the beginning those seeds were not planted by accident. I believe we all know in our deepest place what it is we are supposed to do with out lives. Facing it and especially living it are the hard part. It's uncomfortable and scary but we only get one shot. I have always really wanted to really find and live whatever my purpose is I just didn't know how. A few years ago I realized it wasn't about the purpose as much as it's about the person capable of the purpose. When you are busy though and caught in the daily routines of life it's easy not to do anything at all towards that. Last year I was really struggling with myself. I was really tired and wiped out and feeling old. I was sitting in my house which was a wreck nursing a baby with a To Do list a mile long. I freaked out that at 35 I was probably in the second half of my life. I was thinking whatever it is might never occur because I am so distracted and weighed down. I prayed with all of my heart and asked, "God, please just make me do whatever it is I am supposed to do. I don't know what my purpose is and I have no idea what I will have to become to make it happen. Whatever it is will you please just open the door and kick me through? Please. I really want to do whatever it is you made me to do I just have no idea where to start. You are welcome to donkey kick me all you need. When I am on the right track will you please just make it easy so I know to keep going". Well, since that time God has been working his magic. All of my life I think the coolest things have happened but since then it's been amazing. I am not going to list it because I guard them with my heart and gratefulness. Anyone that knows me knows about Matt's amazing MIRACLE last September!!!!!!!! Being a part of the Oprah falls right in line. When I would answer the question on a silly quiz, "Name a famous person you would like to meet?" I would always answer, Oprah. When I set my sights on a women that followed her heart she of course comes up first. The entry was for Kara, they chose Kara and Kara is going to transformed I hope in all kinds of great ways. I am happy to go along for the ride as far as the actual experience and show go. For me aside for the literal show it's a promise that nothing is too big, nothing is out of reach because most people consider being on the show the ultimate. Famous people often say appearing on her show was the highlight of their career. For me it's not so much the "show" as being in the presence of someone that did it, is doing it and will keep doing it. Now, am I saying I want to be Oprah? No. I want to have the guts and stamina to do what I am supposed to do, like she has. I don't care what scale it's on, where or how I just want to make sure I didn't miss the boat and when I can I row like nuts.

Kara was freaking out yesterday and I told her to calm down and just enjoy it, all of it. Open up and let come what may. Allow the good things to happen and happen to her. She said she had a quote she needed to find her grandpa gave her once. When we hung up she was headed in a different direction, but I wasn't. She called back and read me the quote. I am digging in my heels right now and am going to attempt to follow my same advice. No...I am GOING to. This is fun and exciting and I want to just be open too. Mostly I want to support her and honor the person I really believe she is.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways?

Update: I posted wrote this and not an hour later Kara texted me that someone at work with a dirty look said, "Why you?" She answered, "Why not me?". I am so incredibly proud of her. Let the haters hate while you are busy living sista!