Ms. Help

I work at Ryder's preschool two days a week. I love it. It reminds me of the parts I miss and loved deeply about being a teacher. It also gives me a chance to be there as HIS mom. I think kids get something special about having their moms around to show off. Funny how that is so true at age three yet it takes on a new form by age teenager. He introduced me as, "That's my mom. She is my special girl because I commed out her tummy". There is not a nicer or more genuine compliment I could receive than being claimed by someone. I find in my day that I laugh and love the things kids do hourly. Sometimes it's my own, sometimes is someone's monster in the grocery store. They are all fabulous. I find it hysterical that Ryder wants to rock out in the car, that the little girl in the grocery store is dancing down the aisle or that Izze and her friend would trade their left arms for Starbucks. I love that Charlotte says, "err ooo rrr" when I go to get her out of bed, that Abbi has reached a level of maturity and responsibility that she knows exactly where she needs to be and what needs to go there with her. I love that she wants to "love many, trust few and row her own canoe". I love that Charlotte likes to be a part of "it". It doesn't matter what "it" is. She needs to be right in the middle. She turns around and backs up with her little booty sticking out. She plops that thing down in the middle of everything. She does it most at the preschool. She goes with me most of the time and LOVES being there. Her favorite activity is to sample all the kids water bottles. That is a story of it's own. Several weeks ago she discovered Dylan. Dylan is the cutest little fella. He is just one of those kids you want to hug. He has fluffy curly blond hair and eludes a surfer dude attitude. Charlotte LOVES him! She is head over heels smitten. She is constantly searching for him to hug, love and sit on. He is so kind and gentle and just accomodates her love. He pays special attention to making sure she gets everything she wants while we are there. The whole thing fascinates me. If there is a tight crowd of kids she will wiggle through and find him. She doesn't even have to see his face. She just wiggles through and grabs onto his arm or leg. She just knows. As cute and funny as it is it's really taught me something. She trusts her heart. I find on a regular basis she is very choosy with people. She either loves you all the way or will tolerate you. It gives me a whole new perspective of the term, "it factor". There was a dad at a soccer game she was drawn too. She begged him to pick her up. She looked him right in the eye, gave him a giant hug and wiggled down. He was grinning ear to ear! He promptly turned to me and asked if it was alright. I knew in this day and age that came from both a place of panic and joy. He just had, "it". Anyway, back to the preschool. These kids are hysterical. Actually all kids are hysterical people just forget to see it sometimes. There is one kid that refuses to get his hands dirty. He won't touch slimy, wet, gooey... There is another that gives me updates each time I arrive. I very much look forward to these. The last one was, "my cousin is a doctor and has a bad case of i-a-reeah. Her flower has just been on fire". For weeks one told me, "My mama is a whoraasse". I would ask, "your mom is a horse?". She would say no. I would say, "your mom likes horses?" She would say no. I never asked the other. She said it 10 times every time I was there. I never have figured it out. Now she tells me her mom is going to bring her cookies. One little girl always wears her jacket upside down so the hood can keep her booty warm. They are so proud to share their stories, tell you about their dog or hear they did a good job. I don't want to live with them all but I just can't get over how much little people have to offer. Each and everyone of them is unique and different. However, the one thing they all have in common is that they call me, "Ms. Help". I have no idea how it started but it stuck. I hope with all my heart they never get it straight! I really love being Ms. Help.

Inspiration

A friend suggested to a me a website today. It changed me! I have to share it. His photos are emotional, gentle, romatic and just plain fantastic. I actually find myself holding my breath.

My favorite part was his story....

Lets face it. Love is an animal. Though my grandfather told me once that love is more like a bird, if you hold it tightly it dies, if you hold it slightly, it flies. People often ask me how I capture such intimacy in the couples I have the honor of photographing. The key is looking from a different perspective. I don’t see them as who they are that day, happy and carefree. I see them as they will be tomorrow. I see them in the road ahead, in both the good times and the bad and all that they will endure. Together. Some days there will be love made on the kitchen floor, and others there will be sleepless nights on the couch. I have known both.
I received a letter once from an old friend. She mentioned that she recently had her heart broke and could only wish to one day find someone that sees her the way that my couples see each other. How would she know when she has found the “one”? Trust me when I say that tender gaze, that almost kiss, does not come without work. There will be joy, there will be pain. I have known both. If you are reading this I want you to know that you are amazing. He is not. And this is my advice to you. Find a boy who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. You will know he is the one because he will apologize first even if he feels he was in the right, because being right won’t matter if you go to bed angry. When you tell a joke he will laugh out loud. He will constantly be reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have found you. He will turn to his friends and say, ‘that’s her.’
This is the bird that my grandfather spoke of. When you find this bird hold onto it but remember to give it room to grow. Room to breathe. Do this together. And when you find him, call me. I want to photograph it.
My name is Clayton Austin. I am just a man and I tend to see things better with my eyes closed.

Make your day a little brighter. Take a look...
http://claytonaustinlovestories.com

Today was just one of those days...

Today was just one of those days. Actually, the last two have been. My hubby is out of town so our schedule is off. I have been going to bed late and barely sleeping. I have a bad habit of taking on others pain and stress. It's not always a bad thing but when you are worried about characters you saw in a movie it's a little much. Over the weekend an old friend of mine was drugged and beaten on her way home from dress shopping and having a drink with a friend. She has been unable to remember anything and can barely walk. The police were not helpful and she is scared. The fear and uncertainty she is feeling is uncomprehendable to me. You just never know what kind of both good and bad surprises life has for you. The questions and what if's that have to be running through her head have been running through mine as well. Last night both my big girls came home with horror stories of what teachers had said to or about them. I can be quite a pushover and find it hard to stand up for myself. The difference is when it comes to my kids I come out swinging. I like to think I do so in a level headed and effectively appropriate aggressive way...hee hee. However, the anger, frustration and struggle is the still there. I want to take it ALL on for them. I want to right the wrongs and clear the path for them. If they hurt themselves I want to fix them. If they lose their way I will run to the ends of the earth to find them. It's more than I can bear sometimes when an adult and worse yet a teacher is who hurt them. I went to bed angry with my head spinning and woke up just about the same. I spent an hour in the high school admin office waiting for the Principal while entertaining Charlotte. By the time he got to me she had thrown in the towel. A receptionist witnessed my struggle with her and gave me a little bag of Cheez-It crackers. That helped for about 40 seconds. Nothing was really resolved in my quick meeting with the Principal so I left a trail of crumbs and left. Getting back into to car I was feeling very defeated. Before I was out of the parking lot I heard Charlotte dump that bag of crackers all over herself and down into her car seat. Any parent knows the treasures that can be found in the depths of a childs carseat can be horrifying. I got a few things accomplished I had been putting off and Charlotte took a nap. A friend recommended a website. It was so spectacular and amazing I am forever changed. It was so poetic and inspiring. Even though it was inspiring I ended up crying several times. I had to keep wiping my eyes so I could keep looking at pictures and reading. Feeling a ton better after spending literally hours on the website and related blog we went to pick up Ryder from school. I caught a glimps of myself in a reflection. The morning had been very rushed and I was lucky to get a shower. I had thrown my hair up into a stringy wet pony tail. I was starving and my face looked like I had been crying for a week. Ryder had a hard time leaving because he couldn't find his "monster paper". We searched for it, pretty much woke up all the kids napping and ended up leaving without it. I bumped Charlotte's head leaving the school before putting her in her carseat. As I backed out to close her door I spotted those Cheez-Its she had spilled earlier. I grabbed a few and tossed them in my mouth. As I got in the passenger seat Ryder said, "Hey! Wait! I want an orange snack! Where did you get it?" I reached back and grabbed a handful of Cheez-Its out of her seat from him. I lifted her leg and grabbed a few more for myself. I chuckled and looked at myself in the rear view mirror. Some days everything goes your way and other days it seems logical to eat orange snacks out of the toddlers carseat abyss. Today was just one of those days.